Online Dating Is Not For Me

I think online dating sites are all right. In fact, I have a friend who met a nice person on an online dating site. The relationship didn’t work out, but that wasn’t the site’s fault, and she's still a member. Although, I can't get used to the idea myself, I do understand why people join.

Online dating is just not my thing. So when a friend talked me into joining a site a while back, (the result of many generously poured glasses of wine,) my response to my interested suitors e-mails included the following excuses: I’m sorry, but I can’t, I have to work, my head hurts, or I have to baby sit my unborn grandchildren.

I ended up with the online name “Tinkerbell,” and Tinkerbell enjoys every hobby under the sun, she works out regularly, has a perfect body, and on and on.

I've posted a copy of my profile at the end of this post so that you can learn more about Tinkerbell. 

My profile is so unreal a two year old monkey could guess I'm full of bull. I mean, some of it I guess is believable, but come on, but here's a few examples of Tinkerbell's talents: she's a mountain climber, motor cross dirt bike racer, hunter, snorkeler, water skier, etc...
 

I don’t want to get into trouble so I won’t show you the "flirts" I've received in my inbox. I've ignored most of them, hoping they'll go away, but I couldn't stop myself from responding to a few, just to see what fish gobbled the lines on my far fetched profile. I mean, it would be nice to find one suitor who actually read my profile. I've written unbelievable responses hoping they'll pick up on the fact that I'm joking.

For example, if you were replied to someones outlandish profile, what would you think of the following responses: I’ve had a headache for weeks, my cat ran away, I broke my leg mountain climbing, I had to pick up a skiing trophy in Colorado, I wrecked my dirt bike deer hunting, I'm going rock climbing this week-end" etc.

I think if anyone really read that kind of e-mail, you know really read it, they would easily put it together, which is exactly what is so scary to me. Because if they're not reading beyond the physical characteristics and gender, it proves they're really not interested in getting to know anyone in the first place.

I'm thinking of going out with the first man who actually reads what I've written. In fact, the more online dating e-mails I get the more I know online dating it just not my bag of popcorn.

Although, while I'm at home at night reading, writing, or eating junk in front of a movie, my friend is out being wined and dined, or is she? I'm not sure if the joke is on me or not, but the idea of interviewing someone is too mechanical a venture for this heart to bear. Maybe I'm just a desperado, a loner, too independent or not lonely enough.

In any event, I'll have to find my heart of gold elsewhere, especially since I'm too busy most of the time, anyway. For example, I have to teach lion taming classes this week-end, then roller blade through the streets of New Orleans on horseback.

My profile (well...some of it's true):

Tinkerbell 

 My personality:
• I like to exercise:
Regularly
• My exercise regime consists of:
Aerobics, Cycling, Jogging / Running, Mountain biking, Racquetball, Rock climbing, Roller-skating in the Gulf of Mexico, Swimming, Walking, and Yoga.
• I like the following outdoor activities:
Boating / Sailing, Fishing / Hunting, Gardening, Going to the beach, Hiking / Backpacking, Horseback riding, Sky-diving / Rock Climbing, Snorkeling / Scuba diving, Water skiing / Jet skiing.
• I consider myself artistic, and I like:
Every area, but especially acting, writing, dancing, painting,
• I have the following pets:
Dogs, Cats, Horses, Rabbits, Reindeers, (Especially Santa's) Armadillo's,  Rattlesnakes, and Mice.
My education and career
• I attended high school
• I attended college
• My current occupation is:
Writer
Country: United States Age: 45 Race / Ethnicity: White / Caucasian Height: 5' 7" Hair: Ash blonde Eyes: Green

Posted by "Annie" at 8:29 PM

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