Simon's Catnip Toy

It was freezing in my apartment this morning- and I mean freezing- I wanted to stay under the covers where it was warm. But, I had to be as still as I could, because if my cat Simon knew I was awake, I could forget going back to sleep.

However, I thought it was probably too late for that, because moments before, I heard him stirring around at the end of my bed- yes, my bed, not his-although he has a huge bed.

I kept my eyes closed hoping he would think I was still asleep, but my hopes faded, after
I felt his paw plop over my mouth and nose, followed by a drawn out, "Meoow."

His meow sounded tender and kind, but different, almost like he actually had a southern drawl or he was in the middle of yawning when he meowed. I didn’t have the heart to push him off the bed, so I continued to pretend I was sleeping, hoping he would believe me. Although it was hard to pretend I was asleep with his paw on my face and his hair in my nose.

Moreover, I could feel his eyes peering at me, and his other paw on my arm, then he started drawling out more meows...

“Meow”

Silence.

His next Me-OW slowly slid out of his mouth in a long drawl that sounded like he was either in distress, drunk, or asking a question.

"Me-OW?"

Silence again.

And the next one was louder..."Me-OW?"

I could feel his comical face looking into mine, I say comical, because Simon resembles the Santa Claus puppet that Burl Ives played in Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.

He is a Grey tabby cat with a white beard and mustache that looks just like the Santa Claus puppet. Simon is cute, except he stares at people’s faces-, which can be a little rude and embarrassing, although at times it's funny... but lately he's been acting belligerent, and as I mentioned before, he seems tipsy.

Well anyway, back to Simon's habit of staring, when I said it's sometimes funny, I suppose it depends upon why he is staring at you, because he has different reasons for his unacceptable behavior. For example, he stares at you when he’s hungry- and it doesn’t matter who you are- he also stares at people he thinks he may be able to manipulate, but he is a loving cat.




The Real Simon Cat with his scratch post on Christmas Day
What aggravates me is that people do not know why he is glaring at them…therefore he gets a reaction out of them, such as, “Oh, look at the POOR little kitty, are you hungry?”

And because he liked the tone of their voice he raises his tail in the air, meows, and curls his body around their legs, as if to say, "Thank Goodness, someone has noticed..."

Then people actually ask him in front of me again, "Oh, is the little kitty hungry?" while Simon meows as if to say yes, in his slow meow, the slowest longest meow I've ever heard a cat utter.

He has more of a southern drawl than I do, and what I find humorous is that Maine Coon cats are from...you guessed it- Maine. But, of course he has lived in the South with us since he was a baby, so he is our cat with a Southern meow.


I cannot believe people ask your animals questions like that (or at least they do mine) with you standing right there…like they're trying to give you an easy why to confess the abuse you've inflicted on your animal. I mean, do people actually expect you to answer for your pet?

Yes, as a matter of fact my cat is saying, “Meow, please give me something to eat, my owner, yes that lady right there, is starving me to death, so please get help-fast.”

Hence, I’m sure you get my meaning about his stare, which I have no doubt he knows what he is doing- he gets miles out of his eyes and stare.

Anyway, I could see that he was wearing his hungry stare when he looked in my face this morning- his face was so close to mine I could feel his whiskers- now you know a lot of woman would be jealous of that, so I suppose I am lucky, but he was acting weird, and his meow sounded different and even more drawn out than normal, therefore I began to wonder if something was wrong.



Even his stare looked off this morning, but I shrugged it off thinking that he was probably just in a bad mood, or his stomach hurt, but I didn’t feel like dealing with him, so I ignored my hunch.

Hence, the more he moaned and purred and dug his claws in my skin, the more I thought something may be wrong and when he realized I was not asleep, but ignoring him, he meowed and dramatically threw himself over on his back until he rolled off the bed.

Then he started running around my apartment as if he was at the local gym or lived on an obstacle course. And I remembered what was wrong, I don’t know why I didn’t remember it before, perhaps because I was half awake or I temporarily blocked it out, but I suddenly recalled why he might be acting like a wild cat beast.

However, I managed to get out of bed anyway, and face the fact that I gave Simon a scratch post for Christmas that was covered with catnip.

Now, I don’t have a lot of experience with catnip, but it seems to me that Simon cannot hold his buzz, because he is still happily galloping around my apartment destroying everything in sight.

Therefore, as he continued running his marathon through my apartment, tapping me on the back of my ankle and dashing off again, I surrendered and got in the shower.

When I was in the shower, I could hear him leaping from what sounded like my entertainment center, and onto my bookshelf, then he landed on what sounded like my side table- where I later found the bookmark out of the book I’m reading.

I cannot believe I did this to myself, but I guess I wanted to get Simon something he really liked for Christmas- because for some unknown reason I adore the animal- and I thought the scratch post was a great present for a good price.

And he does love it, because when we opened it for him on Christmas morning, he was as happy as a baby grizzly with his first fish…, but when he started acting like a wild papa grizzly, which we mistook his behavior for pure joy.

He even laid his head against his new gift ensuring it would definitely be covered with his scent, and then walked away with his tail in the air. I was happy he loved it, because it’s hard to find a gift for Simon.

Although, since he’s had the scratch post, he entertains our guests by swinging around and around it, until he picks up enough momentum to slip off and fly across the floor. I have never seen anything like it, everyone in the room starts laughing and he does it so fast you can’t catch your breath from laughing at him.

This scratch post makes him happy, and he knows that people are laughing at him, so I hate to take it away but at the same time, he can be extremely destructive, and frankly he is too destructive to behold.

Talk about feel foolish when I called a friend who has always owned cats and she told me that cats do indeed love catnip. Obviously, I was familiar with the herb or whatever it is; I just didn’t have a clue how potent it is, hence no more catnip for Simon, except, maybe on special occasions, like in the next few years.

Moreover, I guess, he can have what is already in the scratch post. I forgot to ask my friend how long the scent would stay that potent, so I guess I’m going to have to live with it until it wears out.

In any event, Simon has been keeping me up all night, running to his new scratch post, then jumping on top of the entertainment center and jumping off again- and flying- or he feels like he is- down the hallway, jumping on my bed and pouncing on my head until he wears himself out.

I know Catnip is supposed to make cats feel good, but damn. I've had to spray Simon with a water bottle (I use to keep him in line) almost every night since Christmas to keep him from waking everyone up in the middle of the night playing with- the-scratch- post.

Actually, I should have remembered that wildcat beast look on his face this morning, since he’s been wearing it since Christmas. Hence, Simon wasn’t hungry when he woke me up this morning; instead he was flying high on Catnip.

It's funny how sometimes the whole puzzle comes together when you find the missing piece, isn’t it? At least I hope that’s true, because if it is, maybe I’ll be able to piece my apartment back together. That is, since I've found the piece that was causing all the trouble...

By the way, would anyone like to have a Maine Coon grey tabby cat? He has had his shots, is neutered, has a litter box, toys, and a brand new scratch post.

We will contribute his first bag of food.