The Santa Claus Candle- Humor Bloggers Carnival

When I was a child I wondered why Santa Claus was better looking in some photographs and paintings.

For instance, my grandmother hung a picture of a good-looking Santa with silver curly hair on her fireplace mantel each year – but my second grade teacher had a picture of the same man with straight white hair and glasses. I thought my grandmother’s Santa was more attractive, even if his eyes were too small.

I never asked anyone about my Santa Claus observation, particularly grown-ups; because I thought it would be impolite to question the frequent changes in Santa’s appearance. Moreover, the frequent changes in Santa’s appearance had “grown-up secret” written all over it, and I knew I should stay away from grown-up secrets.

Anyhow, I don’t have to worry about that anymore, because I’m a grown-up now, and I know why Santa is better looking sometimes. In any event, I haven’t thought about my Santa observation in years (a lie) until this post or essay on What was the funniest or worst present you ever received for Christmas?( For the Humor Bloggers Christmas Carnival.)

At first, I wasn’t sure what the funniest or worst gift I ever received was, because the worst, funniest, and possibly the best present I ever received for Christmas happened to be the same gift; a candle with a bad looking Santa painted on the front.- it was a gift wrapped with bad intentions -- a gag gift.

This candle had one of those Santa's that looked like an elf painted on the front. His hair was tucked behind his ears and his facial features were piled in the middle of his face, so for a moment, -especially because you could see his ears- I wasn’t sure if the candle was supposed to be Santa Claus. I mean... it wasn’t because he had ears, obviously he did, everyone has ears, but you usually do not see Santa’s ears.

Moreover, I think toy and candle designers should be careful. For instance, whoever made this Santa Claus candle ran the wick through the top of his hat. The candle maker must have been thinking about what he was going to have for dinner that evening, because it is hard for me to believe that he would reduce Santa Claus to a blob of red and green candle wax –that is a position more appropriate for the “Wicked Witch of the West.”

Hence, the thought of Santa melting away on the fireplace mantel helped to form my first impression of the gift. That, and the fact that this Santa didn’t look like the real Santa Claus. (I’m not shallow. I would have liked the Santa candle regardless of his looks; he just didn't look like Santa Claus -- Santa is attractive.) However, I will say he was an original.

The Christmas Candle was a present from an employee in the department I managed at a Department store. We drew names for gifts and out of all the managers’ names she could have drawn, she drew mine, which under ordinary circumstances wouldn’t have been a bad thing, but she picked my name two short weeks after our relationship started down a rocky road.

Our employee/manager relationship took a turn for the worst after a hysterical customer found the sales girl asleep behind the cash register. When the customer saw my industrious employee asleep on the floor, she assumed she had had a heart attack, and so did I, until I woke her up. She told me that she was tired from partying the night before, or, she said, she could be pregnant -- she wasn’t sure which.

Consequently, she wasn’t too happy with me for writing her a warning, especially since she was just tired or pregnant, and she had never met anyone as insensitive as me in all of her fifteen years of life. And she may have been right about me, because three weeks after this incident I treated her unfairly again when I caught her stashing books and records in another department for her boyfriend to pick up and carry out of the store. I don’t think she was too happy with me for having security meet him on his way out, because it ruined their Christmas party plans.

Although, she still had a job because our security cameras were stocking up on evidence, therefore I think she should have considered giving me one of the diamond necklaces she lifted from the jewelry department for keeping her on, the little brat . I mean, for all she knew, if he hadn’t been for me she would have been sharing her holiday with a new “girlfriend” in a ten by ten-cell downtown. Instead, due to my compassion, she was getting drunk with us at the Christmas party. But some people are never grateful.

Hence, I wasn't surprised when I opened my gift from her and saw that it was a candle with a painting of a bad looking Santa Claus, I knew she purposely found the worst gift she could stuff in her purse before the security officer at Walgreen’s could catch her bolting across the parking lot, the ungrateful little Christmas-brat thief. Anyway, this is where the plot twists in this post, because the unattractive little candle ended up being one of my favorite gifts.

To make a long story short, I brought the candle to my grandmothers for Christmas one year and somehow she misunderstood it to be her gift. I think it was because I forgot to sign my name on my real gift for her and she received so many gifts from other family members it didn’t occur to her. I only brought the candle as a token.

In any event, she pretended to love it as other family members were shoving presents in her lap. I tried to tell her, but she just put her hand on my face and said, “I love your gift honey, and I’m happy you remember that it’s the thought that counts.”

It was frustrating, but funny, but not as funny as what happened the following year: my grandmother wrapped a twenty-dollar bill around the candle and gave it back to me -- yep: the squashed faced Santa candle. I don’t know if she remembered that I gave it to her the year before or not, but we continued giving it back and forth for years, and no one in my family ever noticed.

Therefore, without knowing it, my little-Christmas-brat thief employee gave me one of the best and funniest Christmas gifts I ever received from my grandmother and she wrapped it with love.

Merry Christmas~

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