The Craziest Experience Of My Life

An old friend of mine reminded me today of an embarrassing incident that happened to me in high school. It was one of the craziest experiences of my life.

When I was a teenager, my friends and I rode around in the car and listened to the radio until the wee hours of the morning. The Mississippi river ran through the city where we lived and we shared its strong undercurrents and muddy water attitude. The river road with it's beautiful scenery, and long winding curves made it a city favorite among teenagers, especially teenagers on double dates.

My friends and I also spent time on the ferry that crossed from our city to another back and forth across the river all night and day. I used to stand on the front of the boat and sing the Barbra Streisand song On A Clear Day as if I were on the boat in the movie Funny Girl.

Before the days of videocassettes, MTV, and DVDs, the car radio was the most popular form of entertainment, with the exception of going to the movies. Therefore, in addition to the river road we had other favorite driving locations, one of which was the road that went around our State Capitals grounds downtown in our city. And since our city happened to be the State of Louisiana's Capital, the grounds were lined with oak trees and huge azalea bushes.


On one of our State Capital ground drives, we were listening to my high school sweetheart's eight-tracks. He was the kid (they have one in every crowd) with the luxuries in our group, you know the one with the car, etc...and he took advantage of it by bossing the rest of us around who weren't in line to a throne, so to speak-a fact made worse when it came to what eight tracks we could listen too. We were arguing about the eight tracks, when of course I discovered that I needed to use the bathroom. His eight-tracks were a big thing and listening to them was something I hated to interrupt, but I didn't think I could wait much longer, so I asked him to stop in front of the State Capital lawn. The State Capital grounds would afford me the privacy I needed, since I could hide under the safety of an Oak tree's branches.

I remember the conversation to this day. I wanted my boyfriend (Steve) to play I’m a Believer by The Monkees, and he kept saying he lost the tape. I remember the conversation went something like this:

"I know you didn’t lose the tape Steve, because I saw it in your glove compartment last week," I said, while the rest of my friends, including him, laughed.

"Ann, you are the only person I know who could enjoy a broken record," he said, followed by another friend who took up for me,

"Oh, Steve she’s not the only one who wants to hear it you know, just play the tape."

"I’m telling you the tape is gone and I don’t know where it is."

"Forget it then I need to go to the bathroom anyway, so will you stop right here and park?"

"I can go under the oak trees in the courtyard, no one will see me, I’ll be right back." I was so aggravated about the tape that I didn't give much thought to the safest place I should use as a bathroom.

I squat down under the closest tree that I could find by the car, and instantly realized that I could hear birds chirping in the tree. I thought "this is bizarre; what kind of bird chirps at night?" Then the chirping sounded louder as if it were getting closer and I thought, "These birds sure are friendly." Then I heard a shrill chirping over my head that sounded like one aggressive bird, and with that my heart began to step up the beat. Then I put my hand to my head and felt a bird on my head! Horrified, I tried to knock it off, but it started flapping its wings and latched onto my head! I tried to start running from under the tree, but my pants were down, so I kept falling, although this hateful bird managed to stay on my head! From the car, I could see my boyfriend and friends laughing, and I couldn’t understand why... It didn’t occur to me at the time that I was running with my pants to my knees and bats attached to my head! I couldn’t coordinate my legs so I ran as if I were a penguin a few ways then fell, two or three times until I finally reached the safety of the car, with bats still attached to the back of my head!

This being the case, my friends in the car didn’t want anything to do with the horrible creatures, so every time I approached the car, they would drive forward a few feet hoping the bats would jump off the top of my head. In the meantime, I could see my friends in the car laughing in hysterics, because I was trying to grab the car door with my pants down.

After things calmed down, I told Steve (my boyfriend)not to feel bad about driving forward the way he did, because I understood he was thinking about their safety. After all, I knew they didn’t want the bats to get in the inside the car, surely I could understand that.

Steve smiled and said, "Ann, the bats were long gone by the time you reached the car. We just thought it was funny watching you try to catch the car with your pants down. We were laughing so hard we couldn’t tell you that what you were feeling were branches on the top of your head. The bats flew off a few yards after you ran out from under the tree. We could see you waving your hands trying to knock the branches off but we just couldn't stop laughing. I'm sorry Ann, I thought you knew, but I have to say that is the funniest thing I've ever seen. "

It was the craziest thing I've ever experienced, but I'm glad my friends got a kick out of it. We still laugh about it to this day, and I'm happy to know I have something to do with that. However, I know that hard-headed bat held onto my head all the way to the car, and no one will convince me it didn't, hateful creature.